Apartment 315 - The Soundtrack to A Snap-Shot

I'm scared to death of silence.

These days

I'm speaking just to keep the thoughts at bay,

the way you clap at flocks of birds to drive them skyward.

I turn on the television and beg for a newscast.

I scan the channels praying for a televangelist.

I tune in to talk radio.
Anymore, I'm a fiend for infomercials.

I miss your clamor:

your constant hum-

the comforting white noise

acting as the metronome

to my insignificant routine.

When the silence started,

I couldn't keep my thoughts straight.

I listened to the faucet drip.

I noticed the refrigerator compressor kicking on and off.

I heard the parties across the courtyard.

I caught the faint reverberations of some 

           God-damned dog barking...

                                             Barking...

                                                   Barking.

There are so many sounds contained in silence-

it's suffocating.

Silence is a cornucopia of sound.

Is that the word?

The pilgrim bullhorn?
I struggled with that one all through grade school.
I guess that's not exactly what I'm trying to convey...

The silence is cacophonous.

That's a little better...
But what does that even mean?

I just can't make sense of anything.

I need your babble to anchor my thoughts.

Everything congeals when you're ignoring something.

These sounds are like schoolyard bullies I can't evade...

they push me this way and that,

depriving me of quiet.

Taking all my sanctuary.

I can't even seem to sleep
if I can't hear you breathing.
The steady rhythm of the air escaping your chest...
the slight whistle of some accumulation in your nasal passage.
All these creature comforts I crave
and can't sate without you.

It's like not knowing your leg is broken
until someone steals your crutch.
I didn't realize how necessary you were
until my world went quiet

and the chaos sought me out...